And, incredibly, the title says it all.
In a private moment yesterday, I spoke with my husband.. and said out loud for the 1st time that I’m putting The Natural Universe in my future. August 31st 2013 I am going to Chicago Illinois to compete with the INBA/PNBA/ABA for Ms. Figure with some of the best, nationally and internationally. The men and women there will be competing to become professional athletes, there will even be people from countries as far away as Australia &Ireland. Jamie says the only show bigger than this is the Olympia… Incredible. My mind is pretty much blown, in a fury of excitement and terror. I am incredibly nervous.. I have never seen this show in person, never been to the venue, I won’t have my tanning artist (colour is SO important!) might not have hair/ makeup.. not to mention, I’m still on my own with the even bigger facets as far as preparing diet, everything I need to know onstage and EVERY DAY of training leading up to the show. It’s overwhelming, to say the very least. But you know what? I’m not going for my pro card. I’m not competing to win or even place. I am under no illusions, no matter how well I did in April, so this is for me. I’m going.. because if I can just get up on that stage, and JUST do well, the emotional rewards and pride will be amazing… I will have gotten everything I went for! To put myself into the dedication and training and research and GET there… how explosive that would be as an accomplishment. It’s what my fearless self would do… I need to listen to my soul, and I can feel it smolder and sparkle when I think about this. There will be people of all levels there, novice, amateur and professional, kids teens and classes up to 70 years old!.. I’ll fit in there somewhere. In going to The Arnold Expos, I’ve seen some big competition. They’re all human And, you know what? Why not me!… Why should I let this drift by me, or dare risk the feelings of “what if” or “if not now then when”.. This could change my life… I know The Glass Scepter has. I am afraid of screwing up onstage, getting sick, panic attacks, not getting my tan right (eek!), not knowing as much as I need to and not being prepared in general, most of all having a horrible time for some reason or what’s more have the stress outweigh the benefits (I’m not willing to ruin my life’s passion in the process. Period.).. There will be people there who know what they want, were born to compete love to compete and have done enough shows to be comfortable in the stage lights.. I don’t have much that’s familiar to stand on, & the butterflies are like electricity in my stomach.. But I’m trying not to compare myself to them, & do everything I can to get myself as familiar with it as I can ahead of time.. that’s a huge step towards quelling nerves and just focusing on training prep. I must be a crazy person… this thing is so much bigger than me. I just need to believe in myself.. I mean really, really, find the best elements of me and put them into creating this huge life experience. Challenge intense fear and doubt. Be willing to sacrifice comfort and endure mental/physical stress&exhaustion in the hopes of creating an iron confidence and blowing fire into my soul. Be an athlete, which I never saw for my life before.. Creating WHO I AM and what I can do with the thing I love the most. I’m sweating how it will be back stage, but I can’t even wait to be in the same room as so many other strong women! Women who know what it takes. I hope to make a friend or two, that would be great!
I wanted to type this all out, because the support from my friends and family has been THE most important thing to me. I can’t tell you how much I’ve needed you guys!!! I can’t.even.tell you. It was a HUGE decision to move the date of the VEBYB, thank god it was only by a week!! But that effects everybody, so THANK YOU for understanding why! It’s going to be fantastic to see everybody after so much hard work, like a deep breath of fresh air after sucking it in and posing for 2months lol!!! And the biggest thank you is to Jamie, who without even being asked did the research to help me find the next show best suited to me, even though this is about the biggest step I could take lol!!! He’s my best friend, and it’s heart melting how much he genuinely wants me to succeed and just do what I love to do, and is willing and wanting to help me figure out whatever it is we need to do to make this show work.. figuring out costs, paperwork, technical stuff, filing forms on the right dates, driving me to Chicago and back, just what-ever. It’s a true gift, him just being him &doing these things.. I can’t do this without you baby!!!! I love you!! We are stronger than ever
I wish I had more time.. but what I really need is a training/competition/nutrition mentor/Godmother/psychologist/ciatrist to help me through all of this.. someone to ask all kinds of questions to on all the subjects, help me through the exact stage stuff, there to talk to/email with my concerns and stresses.. wow, that would be great….!!!
But, the time is now. As in, right now. No really it’s leg day, and this shit counts. You better believe I’m putting my heart into it yesterday, today, and every day. The next 67 days are going to be lit the fuck up~~~~~~~~~***